While this website is devoted to getting Pat ‘the Bat’ Burrell the MVP award, it is needless to say that we are extremely excited about the Phillies being in the World Series (did you know the last time a league MVP played in the World Series was 2002?*).  If you are looking for a place to watch the Phillies World Series games, I would like to recommend Pat’s MVP in Newark DE, a sports bar with a name I can believe in.

* Barry ‘the shrunken nads’ Bonds

Here are the facts

• Pat Burrell is number 5
• The Phillies were last in the World Series 3 Pat Burrells years ago (3 * 5 = 15 years)
• The Phillies drafted Pat Burrell 2 Pat Burrells years ago (1998)

Here is the prediction

• The Phillies will win the World Series in 1 Pat Burrells games (that’s 5 if this is too confusing). We have 1 Pat Burrell on the team, so how the hell can I be wrong.

Now I would like to address a few rumors that I’ve been hearing.

• Fox is in talks with Bob Barker to do the play by play when Pat Burrell bats at Tropicana Field. They realize that when he launches some drives up into the catwalks, they need someone with a little Plinko experience.
• Major League Baseball has insisted the Rays have teams of engineers inspect the roof to make certain that it will not collapse with the hammering Pat Burrell will be giving it.

All week long people have been coming to me, emailing me, texting me. “Wow, can you believe the Phillies! Can you believe Pat Burrell! Best games of his life, why aren’t there any new ‘Burrell for MVP’ posts?” What? Am I supposed to be surprised? Am I supposed to sit back and act like I didn’t expect Pat Burrell to come through and carry the Phillies through in the series clincher against the Brewers. Was I supposed to be shocked at his game winning home run against the Dodgers? HAS NOBODY BEEN PAYING ATTENTION? This is what Pat Burrell does! He has his best performances in the biggest games. He has done this all year long and I fully expected him to continue his meteoric season through these opponents. He is a man for whom the extraordinary is just simply ordinary. What is great about all this is the national media must now pay attention. Everywhere I look, the front page of espn.com, the headlines in every newspaper, impromptu shrines in the alleyways of Tibet, there is Pat Burrell’s name and image. Quite simply, there is nothing left for us to say here on our little website. Except, give Pat Burrell the MVP award. Just give it to him now!

Since Burrell has been meeting the lofty expectations of ours, I’m going to devote some space to bitching about the poor performance of the Fox broadcast crew. Joe Buck; this is the guy that I can’t stand to listen to announce football games. I thought maybe that was Troy Aikman’s fault, and perhaps he would be better at baseball.  I setup myself up to be disappointed. Tim McCarver: now this is a name I know, although I’m not quite sure why. I guess he is famous for something, but his main skill seems to somehow make you appreciate the time Joe Buck is doing the talking. They did do a better job in the just completed Game 2 (after which Burrell is batting .429 thank you very much), but I have a couple of gems from Game 1 that still irk me.

• During the pre-game scouting report, they described Hamels as having an “all-world” change-up. Later, after striking out a player with said change-up, Buck wouldn’t shut up about what a great cut fastball it was. NO! Bad Buck!
• That was bad, but worse came later when we were treated to the lengthy discussion about how Ryan Madson has the best change-up on the team. Does this mean that Madson’s change-up is all-universe?
• They wouldn’t shut up about how Derek Lowe was such a great ground-ball pitcher and how few fly balls he gave up. They never mentioned other aspects, like how Pat Burrell is a home run hitter and how impossibly hard it is to keep him in the yard. Pat was happy to demonstrate this ability, even against the supposedly amazing ground-ball pitcher.
• Lastly, Buck and McCarver clearly hate Ken Rosenthal. Halfway through Game 2, when he was finally allowed to do an in-game report, Buck just started talking over him halfway through and never acknowledged him again. Plus they made that shorty stand next to the majestic Pat Burrell during a post game interview.

While I’m on the subject, here is something else that surprises me. Why do opposing managers continue to pitch to the Phillies? Not just Burrell, but also his sidekicks Utley and Howard. In the spirit of sportsmanship, I offer this strategy to opposing managers. I call it the “Utley and Howard and Burr, oh my!” plan.

1. Let the Phillies get a big lead, say 10 runs.
2. Hope that Uncle Charlie pulls Burrell (and the others) for defensive replacements early.
3. Also hope that Uncle Charlie has Ricky Bottalico and Mitch Williams leave the post-game studio and come in to pitch.
4. Then hope Charlie decides to take a nice long nap.
5. Finally, have your team attempt a comeback.

As we move deeper into the postseason and leave Pats MVP Caliber 2008 regular season in the dust, Pat continues to exhibit to us all what a Most Valuable Player does.

Early sunday morning, Pat decided he had waited in the weeds long enough, and now was his time to pounce upon the wounded prey, and put them down for the count.

Under the guise of a “sore back”, Pat waited through the first 3 games for the most dramatic moment to show his ability to will the ball out of any stadium. Before the game in a conversation with fellow MVP Jimmy Rollins, Pat served notice that he was done allowing his team all of the spotlight.

“I walked in [to the clubhouse],” Rollins said. “And he said, ‘They’ve been pitching around the big guy [Howard] and Chase [Utley].’ And he said, ‘I’m going to get ‘em today.’ He said, ‘I feel good. My back’s all right. I worked some things out in the cage.’ … He said it. I heard it. And I was paying attention.”

On a 2-2 fastball in the 3rd inning Pat showed the Brewers and the rest of Major League Baseball how to get it done. Depositing a 3 run home run, and only his first of the game, Pat broke open the game, and the NLDS, propelling the Phils into the NLCS with one swing of his mighty bat.

This week we see a battle of two great Left Fielders. But Manny’s career is in it’s sunset. Pat’s star is rising.. and the dodgers better get ready.

Time!  Pencils down and cease stat padding!  The baseball regular season has come to another thrilling end.  As we anticipated, Pat “the Bat” Burrell has overcome any personal demons and carried the Phillies to their second straight NL East championship.  With a flair for the dramatic, Pat helped dismantle the Braves in Atlanta, then went 0 for a series in Florida, before getting hits in 4 of his last 5 games of the season.  A final stamp on an MVP like season as he quickly raised his OPS rating an astounding 13 points in just 5 games.

Pat’s MVP future rests in the hands of the voters now. We can only hope that they make the correct decision. I’ve recently had my heart warmed by the sell-out crowds at Citizen’s Bank Ballpark cheering “M-V-P M-V-P” when Pat steps into the on deck circle. I do hope that Ryan Howard, who is at bat during these chants, is not too distracted. Hats off to Ryan Howard as well, for his spectacular September. His success is a testament to just how fearful pitchers are of Pat. Despite Pat’s cold streak, his incalculable hitting skills still have pitchers too intimidated to pitch around RyHo. We’ve already discussed in this blog how RyHo delivers with much more regularity when Pat Burrell is protecting him.

A quick look at some numbers. In 2005, Pat finished 7th in MVP voting. This season he has more doubles, more triples, more home runs, a higher slugging percentage and more walks. With factors such as the decrease in steroid and HGH use, this increase in productivity is even more spectacular since many of those who defeated him that season have seen their numbers come tumbling down.

In the lighter side of news, there was a recent bomb scare outside of Citizen’s Bank Ballpark. There is no truth to the rumor that there was a gun scare inside the ballpark later on when Pat Burrell took his shirt off.

“Why?” This is what passionate Pat Burrell fans have been asking me all month. Countless hordes, looking for an elusive answer to a basic question. Why is Pat Burrell in such an unprecedented slump? Sadly, it cannot be denied. Over the past month the only statistic that Pat has led the league in is lowest batting average. Even more frustrating, I had no answer for all these devoted brothers-in-burrell-for-mvp-arms. Until this past weekend that is. I was performing my daily Burrell meditation session, during which I try to envision the world through the eyes of Pat, when I had an epiphany.

Pat Burrell, whether consciously or subconsciously, is failing to produce on purpose. I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out! While we have all been admiring the towering, majestic, wondrous blasts coming off the front of Pat’s glorious bat we have been ignoring the devastating collateral damage of his mighty backswing.

Where is the proof? All the clues are right here in our archives. We’ve cataloged newly called up pitchers who had their confidence rocked after having to face Pat Burrell. We’ve discussed managers being humiliated and scorned for their decisions on how to pitch Pat. We’ve even discussed the fact that Pat Burrell is indeed a mortal, a human with human emotions even if he does have god-like biceps. Can you imagine being responsible for destroying the careers of all these pitchers and managers? Can you imagine knowing you are the cause for cascading waves of grief that result? Marital strife. Unpaid mortgages. No Christmas this year for little Willie Randolph Jr. Pat now sees himself as a lifewrecker, a career destroyer, a menace to harmonious life. He can no longer stand the intense pressure of being in this role and being so alone in carrying this burden.

Is all lost? That depends on how the internal struggle between Pat’s desire to win and his desire to not destroy lives. We do have some extremely fresh evidence though. On Sunday, the Phillies were two games behind the Brewers for the wild card and happened to be playing them in a double header. With such high stakes, Pat’s desire to win took over. He stroked a game winning rbi in game 1 and homered in early insurance runs in game 2. All seemed to be well with Pat and he seemed poised to make the final charge for the MVP award he has earned. Then the Brewers fired manager Ned Yost. Another manager fired for failing to contain Pat? Another poor soul forced to explain to Nana Yost why she won’t have heat this winter? The next game was ugly as the internal struggle tipped way back in favor of Pat’s desire to not destroy lives. Five at-bats, five strikeouts.

Where do we go from here? I wish I knew. This is a journey that Pat must struggle through on his own. We can cheer him on and offer him a sympathetic shoulder, but only Pat can break through this internal struggle and return to his dominant form.

What do we do we all these balloons if Pat doesn’t win the MVP? I won’t stand for that sort of negative attitude.

I was away on vacation last week and finding it difficult to keep tabs on the job Pat Burrell was doing leading my beloved Phillies to victory. Luckily, one of my travel companions is also a Phillies fan and has a phone with decent Internet access. Here is a true story from one morning

(I’m wake up slowly around 2PM)
me: Bleh, Jaeger bombs suck, Burrell bombs from now on.
(fellow Burrell fan groggily pushes buttons on his magic phone)
fellow Burrell fan: Dude, Phillies won last night.
me: How many home runs did Pat Burrell hit?
fellow Burrell fan: Well, the score was 1-0, so it must have been one.

Later that week, I confirmed what we already knew in our hearts. Pat Burrell did hit one home run that game and provide all the excitement and offense necessary. Of course he did. That is simply what MVPs do.

Lest we get carried away, Pat has recently reminded us that he is but a mere mortal. It is easy to imagine him as an infallible bronze God among us mere meatbags. In the past week, Pat has committed two errors. Sure, these are his first errors in about 120 games. Sure, Pat has also made at least one outfield assist, hit two game winning home runs, and banged several supermodels in this time span. However, it can’t be denied that these errors are a reminder that Pat is human after all. That’s ok, all past MVPs have been, too.

Well it looks like Pat refuses to give up without a fight.  This weekend he blasted two monster home runs that were both game winners.  It is impossible to even consider where the Phillies would be if they did not employ “the bat”.  Pat now has a whopping 29 Burrell Bombs so far on the year, and he still has a month to go.  Yes folks, the sky is the limit for the mighty Pat.  To show our gratitude to Pat for his display of power in this 2008 season, burrellmvp.com has created the commemorative Burrell Bombs t-shirt, now available in the Burrell MVP Shop.  So go pick one up today, and Pat, keep bringing the show.

I was watching the Phillies rain delay programming last week hoping to see a special about the great Pat Burrell. Instead, I ended up watching a special about the late and great Richie Ashburn. It was a nice tribute and all but it caused me to realize something. Richie Ashburn passed away in September 1997, but Pat Burrell did not make his Phillies debut until 2000. This means that the Phillies’ greatest outfielder never had one of his home runs called by the Phillies’ other greatest outfielder.

I was sad at first, but then I realized that Pat himself is a tribute to the memory of Richie Ashburn. Let’s look at some of the irrefutable facts

• Pat was the first overall pick in the first draft after Richie went to the great clubhouse in the sky.
• Pat has adopted Richie’s tradition of being widely known by his nickname (see ‘The Bat’ and ‘Whitey’).

Living tribute? Reincarnation? Guardian angel in the outfield? Whatever explanation you come up with, we’ll all be here rooting for Pat to bring home one award Richie was denied. And when he does, we know he’ll be doing it for the both of them.

The Boston Red Sox are looking to unload Manny Ramirez due to the latest outbreak of “Manny being Manny”.  If you put your ear to the rumor mill, you might hear that Manny wants to come to Philadelphia to reunite with his old Cleveland Indians pal Charlie Manuel.  This news should excite any Phils fan until the realization sets in that Boston would probably want someone to fill their left field hole in return for Ramirez’s services.  At this point in the season, I shouldn’t have to explain to you that Pat Burrell is the best player in baseball.  Getting rid of him, even for a player of Manny’s caliber, would be stupid.  Unfortunately, the Phils have made questionable moves in the past so a move like this isn’t outside the realm of possibility.  For a number of reasons a trade of Burrell for Ramirez would be a disaster for the Phillies, although it presents an interesting opportunity for Pat Burrell…

Pat Burrell is the front-runner for the NL MVP.  I can’t fathom a worthwhile argument against this.  If Pat is traded to the AL mid-season I see no reason to block him from the NL MVP award which he’s clearly already earned.  In the American League, most pitchers are unfamiliar with Burrell’s ferocity at the plate and will likely be unable to effectively pitch to him.  His already-ridiculous stats would obviously skyrocket making him an immediate favorite for AL MVP, not to mention the holes he’ll put in the Green Monster.

Pat Burrell could potentially have the opportunity to become the first double MVP in MLB history.  This is very unlikely due to the number of things that need to happen though.  First, Boston would have to make the questionable decision to actually get rid of one of their best players.  Second, Philadelphia would need to make the terrible decision to get rid of Pat Burrell.  Third, this would need to get done within before the trade deadline which is 24 hours away.  The only certainty is that if the deal does get done, Pat Burrell will hold up his end of the bargain and achieve the greatest feat by any individual professional athlete in history.