How boring has it become to watch Pat come up with game winning RBIs? His heroics are now so utterly mundane, repetitive, ordinary that they aren’t even reported on this website. June 1, eager to get the month started right, Pat delivers a deadly two-out two-run double against the Marlins, aka the “Fish”, for the margin of victory. Not only did this hit vault the Phillies to a victory, but it vaulted them into first place. MVPs step it up for their team in the big games, and true Phillies fans know that Burrell is at his best when the pressure is on. The Marlins know it now, too.

Apparently, the Reds, aka the “Commies”, don’t have scouts. Maybe they can’t afford them. Maybe they have them but they’re a bunch of drunk fools. All I know is that a mere two days later, June 3, Pat “the bat” Burrell took Cincinnati ace, Aaron Harang, deeeeep. This monstrous blast, courtsey of the presumptive MVP, again provided the difference the Phillies needed for victory. As long as these foolish pitchers throw Pat anything near the strike zone, it seems clear that we can continue to expect at least two game winning hits per week.

Continually providing clutch game winning RBIs is great, and a necessary trait for any MVP. But in last night’s game, Pat showed he also has that elusive, undefinable X factor exhibited by only the greatest players. In a tight pitchers battle, the Phillies finally managed to get a pair of two-out baserunners. Pat stepped into the… on deck circle. His mere presence on the field of play unnerves Scott Olsen so much that he immediately uncorked a wild pitch. Unable to take his eyes off the mighty Pat, Olsen then missed the throw covering home and when the dust finally settles the Phillies have scored two game winning runs. Run production by mere presence, that’s Pat’s X factor. And X marks the spot. The spot of the MVP. The Pat Burrell birthmark.