“Why?” This is what passionate Pat Burrell fans have been asking me all month. Countless hordes, looking for an elusive answer to a basic question. Why is Pat Burrell in such an unprecedented slump? Sadly, it cannot be denied. Over the past month the only statistic that Pat has led the league in is lowest batting average. Even more frustrating, I had no answer for all these devoted brothers-in-burrell-for-mvp-arms. Until this past weekend that is. I was performing my daily Burrell meditation session, during which I try to envision the world through the eyes of Pat, when I had an epiphany.

Pat Burrell, whether consciously or subconsciously, is failing to produce on purpose. I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out! While we have all been admiring the towering, majestic, wondrous blasts coming off the front of Pat’s glorious bat we have been ignoring the devastating collateral damage of his mighty backswing.

Where is the proof? All the clues are right here in our archives. We’ve cataloged newly called up pitchers who had their confidence rocked after having to face Pat Burrell. We’ve discussed managers being humiliated and scorned for their decisions on how to pitch Pat. We’ve even discussed the fact that Pat Burrell is indeed a mortal, a human with human emotions even if he does have god-like biceps. Can you imagine being responsible for destroying the careers of all these pitchers and managers? Can you imagine knowing you are the cause for cascading waves of grief that result? Marital strife. Unpaid mortgages. No Christmas this year for little Willie Randolph Jr. Pat now sees himself as a lifewrecker, a career destroyer, a menace to harmonious life. He can no longer stand the intense pressure of being in this role and being so alone in carrying this burden.

Is all lost? That depends on how the internal struggle between Pat’s desire to win and his desire to not destroy lives. We do have some extremely fresh evidence though. On Sunday, the Phillies were two games behind the Brewers for the wild card and happened to be playing them in a double header. With such high stakes, Pat’s desire to win took over. He stroked a game winning rbi in game 1 and homered in early insurance runs in game 2. All seemed to be well with Pat and he seemed poised to make the final charge for the MVP award he has earned. Then the Brewers fired manager Ned Yost. Another manager fired for failing to contain Pat? Another poor soul forced to explain to Nana Yost why she won’t have heat this winter? The next game was ugly as the internal struggle tipped way back in favor of Pat’s desire to not destroy lives. Five at-bats, five strikeouts.

Where do we go from here? I wish I knew. This is a journey that Pat must struggle through on his own. We can cheer him on and offer him a sympathetic shoulder, but only Pat can break through this internal struggle and return to his dominant form.

What do we do we all these balloons if Pat doesn’t win the MVP? I won’t stand for that sort of negative attitude.