All week long people have been coming to me, emailing me, texting me. “Wow, can you believe the Phillies! Can you believe Pat Burrell! Best games of his life, why aren’t there any new ‘Burrell for MVP’ posts?” What? Am I supposed to be surprised? Am I supposed to sit back and act like I didn’t expect Pat Burrell to come through and carry the Phillies through in the series clincher against the Brewers. Was I supposed to be shocked at his game winning home run against the Dodgers? HAS NOBODY BEEN PAYING ATTENTION? This is what Pat Burrell does! He has his best performances in the biggest games. He has done this all year long and I fully expected him to continue his meteoric season through these opponents. He is a man for whom the extraordinary is just simply ordinary. What is great about all this is the national media must now pay attention. Everywhere I look, the front page of espn.com, the headlines in every newspaper, impromptu shrines in the alleyways of Tibet, there is Pat Burrell’s name and image. Quite simply, there is nothing left for us to say here on our little website. Except, give Pat Burrell the MVP award. Just give it to him now!

Since Burrell has been meeting the lofty expectations of ours, I’m going to devote some space to bitching about the poor performance of the Fox broadcast crew. Joe Buck; this is the guy that I can’t stand to listen to announce football games. I thought maybe that was Troy Aikman’s fault, and perhaps he would be better at baseball.  I setup myself up to be disappointed. Tim McCarver: now this is a name I know, although I’m not quite sure why. I guess he is famous for something, but his main skill seems to somehow make you appreciate the time Joe Buck is doing the talking. They did do a better job in the just completed Game 2 (after which Burrell is batting .429 thank you very much), but I have a couple of gems from Game 1 that still irk me.

• During the pre-game scouting report, they described Hamels as having an “all-world” change-up. Later, after striking out a player with said change-up, Buck wouldn’t shut up about what a great cut fastball it was. NO! Bad Buck!
• That was bad, but worse came later when we were treated to the lengthy discussion about how Ryan Madson has the best change-up on the team. Does this mean that Madson’s change-up is all-universe?
• They wouldn’t shut up about how Derek Lowe was such a great ground-ball pitcher and how few fly balls he gave up. They never mentioned other aspects, like how Pat Burrell is a home run hitter and how impossibly hard it is to keep him in the yard. Pat was happy to demonstrate this ability, even against the supposedly amazing ground-ball pitcher.
• Lastly, Buck and McCarver clearly hate Ken Rosenthal. Halfway through Game 2, when he was finally allowed to do an in-game report, Buck just started talking over him halfway through and never acknowledged him again. Plus they made that shorty stand next to the majestic Pat Burrell during a post game interview.

While I’m on the subject, here is something else that surprises me. Why do opposing managers continue to pitch to the Phillies? Not just Burrell, but also his sidekicks Utley and Howard. In the spirit of sportsmanship, I offer this strategy to opposing managers. I call it the “Utley and Howard and Burr, oh my!” plan.

1. Let the Phillies get a big lead, say 10 runs.
2. Hope that Uncle Charlie pulls Burrell (and the others) for defensive replacements early.
3. Also hope that Uncle Charlie has Ricky Bottalico and Mitch Williams leave the post-game studio and come in to pitch.
4. Then hope Charlie decides to take a nice long nap.
5. Finally, have your team attempt a comeback.