Here are the facts

• Pat Burrell is number 5
• The Phillies were last in the World Series 3 Pat Burrells years ago (3 * 5 = 15 years)
• The Phillies drafted Pat Burrell 2 Pat Burrells years ago (1998)

Here is the prediction

• The Phillies will win the World Series in 1 Pat Burrells games (that’s 5 if this is too confusing). We have 1 Pat Burrell on the team, so how the hell can I be wrong.

Now I would like to address a few rumors that I’ve been hearing.

• Fox is in talks with Bob Barker to do the play by play when Pat Burrell bats at Tropicana Field. They realize that when he launches some drives up into the catwalks, they need someone with a little Plinko experience.
• Major League Baseball has insisted the Rays have teams of engineers inspect the roof to make certain that it will not collapse with the hammering Pat Burrell will be giving it.