One of my favorite parts of watching Pat Burrell play baseball is finding those little ways he contributes to help the Phillies win games. These contributions aren’t noticed by your casual fan, but are the lurking variables that true Pat fans appreciate. For instance, these are some Pat Burrell stats that everybody can appreciate. Glorious numbers you’ll find in box scores and game recaps.

• In the final game before the All-Star break, and the Phillies’ first place lead down to .5 games, Pat Burrell hits a game winning 3 run home run in the 8th. This keeps the Phillies in first place and gives Pat his 10th GWBI for the season.
• Since his All-Star snub, Pat has so far reached base safely in every game of the second half.
• Since his massive All-Star snub, Pat has 8 hits, 2 HRs, 5 Rs, 4 W.
• Since his rage inducing All-Star snub, Pat has 3 outfield assists and kept his fielding percentage at 1.000. That is what the statisticians like to call perfection.

Now, we’ve reached the exciting piece, where we show you some lurking variables. Because Pat hasn’t gotten any GWBIs in the 6 second half games, some commoner morons may be out there trying to claim that Pat isn’t contributing. Those commoner morons are morons, and commoners, and not fit to speak of Pat. Let me prove my point.

• On July 22nd, the Phillies rallied for 6 runs in the 9th inning off of the Mets relief pitching for an awe inspiring come-from-behind victory. Why did the Mets turn to their bullpen? Why didn’t the Phillie batter baffling Johan Santana go for the complete game? Pat Burrell, that’s why. Pat hit a double in the 8th inning off Johan, which Mets manager Jerry Manuel has claimed is the reason he called upon his bullpen. The New York press has given ole Jerry a tough time over this, but they should cut him a break. He is clearly just a young, inexperienced manager, because any old salt could tell you that you don’t pull a pitcher just because Burrell rocked him. You’d have to use a minimum of five pitchers a game with that strategy.
• For the past three games, Burrell has risen to the number three spot in the Phillies lineup. He has performed as usual, but the lurking data here is how Ryan Howard has performed. Without Pat to protect him, Ryan is hitting a mere .167 (2 for 12). This clearly demonstrates how Pat’s presence can improve players around him and the team as a whole.

0-3…  .000..  3 Men Left on Base…  1 Strikeout..

That was the line of your 2008 NL All Star Last Vote Winner… Corey Hart. Those are appalling numbers. Not only that.. but he failed to throw out Justin Morneau at home plate in the bottom of the 15th inning.

How about the other final vote contestant who replaced Soriano?

1 for 3 with a strikeout and 3 men left on base. Slightly better.. but still shows how much Wright is a fraud.

Without a doubt.. Pat Burrell would have hit better then either of them. He would at least have had a walk for gods sakes!

So as we deal with Lidge’s first lost… and the NL’s ineptitude at winning the midsummer classic.. we can just imagine what if… What if the NL MVP would have been playing instead of those two bums.. What if Utley would have stayed at 2nd and not allowed Uggla to make 3 errors and cost the NL the win! What if Wagner stayed home and didnt blow the save! So many what if’s that we cant answer.. but we can answer one… Burrell would have brought home the win!

Today Philly.com posted an article detailing how statistics guru ERIC SEIDMAN believes Burrell should be in the All Star Game. Seidman states that Burrell’s WPA (Win Probabilty Added) of 3.24 is second in the league next to only Lance Berkman!

More evidence that Burrell is a shoe in for MVP and was the biggest snub of this years all-star game!

While Chase Utley cusses out Met fans at the All Star Game (good for you chase!), Pat the bat is quietly accruing the accolades that he deserves and beginning his run at the NL MVP award.

Case and Point:

The kind folks over at Beerleaguer voted our very own Mr. Pat Burrell the first half MVP!!!

They obviously can see the way Pat has turned his game around and turned into the dominiant batter in the phillies lineup. They make mention of his 1.000 Fielding Percentage and his career high 151 park adjusted OPS+.

Way to see the ligh guys! Go Pat!

It is a sad day here at the Burrell for MVP campaign headquarters. Sure, we had been prepared for Pat not making the All-Star game, but it still hurts when it happens. The saddest thing of all is that the whole final fan vote was clearly a beauty contest. During the voting period, Pat stepped up his game and put up the numbers that should have impressed the voters. This included a mightily impressive 10-game hitting streak during which he batted .371 (13-for-35) with three homers (including one of off Pedro Martinez) and five RBIs. He also reached base safely in 15 consecutive games.

As a licensed hetero, I’m very willing to admit that Pat is quite attractive himself. The problem is that he is a real man’s man. It is well known that firemen and lumberjacks, the core of Pat’s fans, do not have solid Internet connections. Meanwhile, teenage girls with posters of Abercrombie models David Wright and Corey Hart have broadband Internet, tons of time to lol and omg, and a rich daddy to pay for their text message votes. The only chance Pat had was if Major League Baseball had approved his request to play this week’s games without his shirt on. Those damned purists obviously did not.

Pat does still have one last gasp in his All-Star bid. He can be chosen to replace the injured Alfonso Soriano by NL Manager Clint Hurdle.

As we’ve stated on this blog time and time again, Pat’s first step to the MVP award for 2008, begins with the MLB All-Star game. The geniuses over at MLB have realized that the insane sport fans of this country are snubbing maybe the best ball player in the league this year and are graciously providing them with the opportunity to correct this mistake.

Pat the Bat has been nominated as one of the 2008 Monster Final Vote. Along with the following bums.

Looking at this list i think it’s obvious that Pat is the clear choice for the final vote player.

So my friends.. it falls to you to correct the mistake of the general public. No you cant vote for any red sox.. but you can vote for pat burrell.. Get it done.

Help Pat from your mobile phone!!

Rock the Mobile Vote

You can vote directly from your mobile phone.

Text the word “N1″ to 36197 to cast your All-Star Final Vote for Pat Burrell.

In Canada, fans should text the word “N1″ to 88555.

Standard messaging rates apply — please check with your mobile carrier for details.

The Philadelphia Inquirer ran a nice little story about how Pat isn’t the shoo-in for the All-Star game you might expect. This despite the fact that he “entered last night ranked first among National League outfielders in home runs (20), on-base-plus-slugging percentage (.998), and slugging percentage (.584) and second in on-base percentage (.414).” Insane numbers! The real meat of the article comes when they interview Pat himself. Asked about the possibility of playing in the All-Star game, he said “I… would… thrill… a lot…”. Yes, Pat would totally thrill his peers, but it is clear when you read between the lines what he is really saying. An All Star appearance is not the recognition he wants. He wants that MVP trophy! If you are concerned about not making the All Star game hurting his MVP chances, I’d like to point out that two of the last four MVPs also flew under the common fans radar and didn’t get the votes needed*.

* Jimmy Rollins in 2007 and Justin Morneau in 2006, look it up!

Try to imagine yourself as a major league rookie. You’re a starting pitcher, in your fourth career start, playing the Phillies, your arch league rival. Imagine you’ve just breezed through the first inning. Your stuff is electric. Your fastball is burning up the radar gun and your curve is even making the umpire’s knees buckle. You’re on top of the baseball world, but then, Pat Burrell steps into the batter’s box and the world goes topsy-turvy. I applaud Charlie Morton for being in this exact situation you just imagined and keeping himself from literally making boom boom in his Atlanta Braves whites. Despite holding together his composure to a certain level, Pat still took the new kid deeeep. As the majestic drive whistled through the air, you could practically hear the seams singing “Welcome to the show, the Pat Burrell show”.

A good leader always keeps his head held high. A great leader plays just as hard in desperate times as he does in joyous times. An MVP candidate, which no one in the NL but Pat Burrell can claim to be, excels during the darkest hours of the darkest night.

When I claim that Pat can not spell Q-U-I-T, I’m not referring to his decision to pursue his academic studies at the “University” of Miami, but to his famous work ethic that has made him so popular with Philadelphia fans. It has never been more evident that in yesterday’s afternoon game against the Philadelphia A’s (who traditionally play their home games in Oakland). Losing 5-0, no baserunners on, down to the final out in the 9th, nursing a bad hangover (assumedly since it was a day game), having lost 5 of the previous 6, Pat steps in and crushes an offering and hustles for his second triple of the week. A meaningless at-bat in a lost game can become meaningful when you have an MVP-in-waiting ready to inspire his team. I anxiously await the repercussions of this inspirational act as the Phils head down deep in the heart of Texas.

Tuesday’s game is over, and existence still exists, yet Jack Cust and Pat Burrell, who we proved are the same person, met face to face. How can this be? Are the statements about meeting yourself at a point in time and time ceasing to exist untrue? Further evidence was even given at the game on Tuesday that they are the same person, when both players homered for their only hit. Well, it appears that we may not have hit the nail on the head in our last report. New information has come to light, and we realize that you may not be privy to all the new stuff, but that’s why you have us. Cloning… Yes, Jack Cust is actually a clone of Pat Burrell. There are no fabric of time rules about meeting your own clone, are there? When Pat was a very young child, at just 2 years of age, his parents recognized his incredible baseball potential. Realizing that having one multi-millionaire in the family would be good, but two would be great, they decided to have baby Burrell cloned, so they could raise two professional baseball players, but the clone was not as polished as the original. It was a tough decision, but the Burrells flushed the clone down the toilet. The tiny clone ended up in New Jersey, where all U.S. sewer lines terminate. There, floating in a sewer in Flemmington, NJ, he was discovered by the Custs.